The key to satisfaction: take care of you!

I should have felt satisfied…with an adoring husband, four incredibly adorable and healthy kids, a cozy home, money to pay the bills with a bit leftover, food to eat, a relationship with God, family close by, time to pursue my hobbies…but I wasn’t satisfied. I’d wake up each morning, dreading the day because I never felt like it was enough…I’d look at other people and think, “If I could only have a car like theirs/be as fashionable as her/live in a house like that/be able to talk to people as easily as she does/have my kids actually listen to me, sleep for 30 more minutes, THEN I’d feel satisfied and happy.”

I did not set aside time in my schedule for self-care, unless you count going to the bathroom with the door locked so kids couldn’t come in or a shower that lasted maybe five minutes (I’m not exaggerating) without someone coming in and asking to either shower with me or to get them a snack right then. I was getting stretched to my limits because I had no time to replenish all I was putting out. I was running on empty and if you’ve ever run on empty before you know what it’s like. Not fun. Exhausting. Draining. Unsatisfying. I was so tired, so done, with feeling like I couldn’t have it all, but I also felt guilty because I knew I should be grateful for the things I did have. I wanted balance. I wanted a change.

So I took action!

I hired a mentor to help me work though how I was feeling and boy oh boy…did he ever help me.

In the midst of one of our appointments I identified how I was feeling…empty, envious, lacking, frustrated, disappointed, sad…and my mentor taught me what to do to alter my way of thinking so that I could feel satisfied with my life again, which would result in happiness. He told me to compare my energy level to a gas tank in a car. As the gas level lowers, the car starts to alert the driver, saying, “It’s time to add more fuel here! I’m getting thirsty.” In a similar way, we have tanks inside us that are filled with energy. When our energy levels get low, there are alerts that come up, “You need to replenish, you just got super annoyed by that comment by your husband that wasn’t even intended to be snarky.” or “I think we’re gettin’ low here! We should not be this tired at nine in the morning…” Ideally, a full energy tank will result in a happy me. So I was assigned to start taking better care of myself. Specifically, spend time on myself every day.

This was a hard assignment because making time to take better care of myself meant sacrificing in other areas. For example, instead of sleeping in until the last possible minute, I could wake up and exercise, take a 20 minute shower, go running with my sister, or say a meaningful prayer.

I started making time for the things I love to do and guess what! I got to know myself again! I realized that I’m a really fun person to be around! I had forgotten how to relax because I was always uptight, trying to preserve the little energy I had left. But I grew to love my daily “Adrianne Time”! I became more fun as a mom, I had more to give if someone asked me for help. I was learning to be me again and relearning that what I want to do is good too. The way I see it, it’s not selfish to take care of yourself, it’s actually an extremely beneficial gift to those within your influence. When I take care of myself, my kids benefit, my husband benefits, my dogs benefit, my house benefits, my friends and family benefit. When I’m nice to myself, it’s a lot easier to be nice to others. And when my energy tank is full, I have plenty to share with others and I don’t feel like I need to hoard my dwindling supply.

Having said that, I am not perfect. Since I started taking time for myself again I have had many relapses into stretching myself too thin and not giving myself enough time. But I’m trying. I’m trying to establish a new habit of making time for my goals and the things I want to do everyday. Some days I get to spend a couple of hours on a project/reading a book/visiting with a friend/going for a walk with my dogs or my kids, and some days I choose to sleep until the last possible minute so my day starts with that panicky, super rushed feeling that makes stress the main motivator of the day until I let it go. But I keep trying. Even when I have weeks go by without consciously taking time for me, I keep trying. I start again, because I see the benefits of trying to refill my energy tank.

Here’s a quick example of one of my very favorite ways I’ve refilled my tank:

One day in late spring I called my sister, Emma, and asked her if she’d like to do something with me that night. She said yes and I worked hard to get the house clean and get dinner made so I could be ready to go as soon as possible. After the kids were in bed, Emma and I went and picked up some Jamba Juice smoothies, drove to the park, and set up our hammocks. The sun was about an hour away from setting, the grass was green, the trees were right next to each other, our smoothies were delicious. As I climbed into my hammock, I savored everything. The beautiful scene, the time with my sister, the yummy treat, my favorite book I had brought along with me. It was healing to me. I went home that night rejuvenated and restored to myself. A majority of my day had been given to others, but as I took the time to refuel, I was grateful for the moments I’d been able to spend taking care of my kids and husband. I felt glad knowing they needed me! And because I’d taken time for myself, I knew I’d be able to be glad to take care of them again the next day. I felt satisfied with my life.

Here are some of my very favorite ways to replenish my energy and feel satisfied:

Exercising (specifically yoga or running), journalling, going for walks, relaxing in a hammock, painting nails with my daughter, going on dates with my husband, playing games with my mom, going shopping with my sisters, reading to my kids, soaking in the tub, showering…the long kind where you just focus on the water and nothing else and let it wash all your cares and worries down the drain, hiking, cooking/baking for fun, going to the library, going for a drive, reading. All of these things add fuel to my satisfaction. What are your favorite ways to refuel?

I talk about this a bit more here: