Six months. That’s how long it’s been since I last published anything on here. And I really didn’t want to get on tonight to do it. So why am I? Because it’s my “thing”. My thing I feel drawn to do. I love to learn new ideas and feel the truth of it resonate deep within me. I love to share those things with other people. I love to put new things I learn to the test to see if it works as effectively for me as it does for other people. Do you ever feel drawn to do things…but you put it off because you’re scared? I do that all the time. I get so scared of what other people will think of me…that they’ll say something mean to me. Or want to argue with me.
FEAR.
Fear is what stops me every single time I try to do something I know is good. Fear of the unknown, fear of what other people are “thinking” (although, how could I possibly know what’s really going on in another person’s head?), fear of making a mistake and being called out on it in front of other people. Fear of failure, disappointment, rejection, pain.
So if fear is what stops me from doing the “thing” I feel drawn to do, how do I overcome it? Here’s how:
- Face it
- Work through it
- Keep moving forward
FACE IT
In order to recognize fear for what it is, I must discover what I am actually afraid of, and that involves soul-searching. To do this, I work backwards and ask myself, sometimes on paper, “What would this part of my life look like if I were actually doing what I want to do?” An example from my life right now…I want to be a runner. Am I a runner? I haven’t run in at least two months. But I must not let that stop the picture from forming in my mind of how I want my “I am a runner” story to look. In my mind, as a runner, I go to bed at 9:30 or 10:00 every night, after setting out my running gear. I wake up at 5:00, get dressed, get the dogs ready, and run out the door. Then I run. I listen to music, books, or the sound of our feet as we run along the asphalt of our new neighborhood. I feel strong and healthy as my muscles take me up hills, alongside roads, and over pathways. After a good, sweaty, hour-long run the dogs and I head home. I fill up their water bowls, then shower and am ready for the day before my kids are out of bed. I love thinking about this…I’ve had this before, the feeling of freedom that comes from running and I know how good it tastes. So what’s stopping me? Fear. We just moved into a new neighborhood and I’m afraid of other people being out while I’m running and seeing me. What if I’m doing it wrong? What if I look goofy while I’m running? What if they’re thinking judge-y things about me? What if, what if, what if. Ah! Why do I do this to myself? Here’s the thing: when I get into it and remember WHY I had a goal in the first place or wanted to start something, it’s easy to want to do it again. The moment I step away from all of the fears and what ifs I want to do it again. The excuses stop being the first thing I think about or see when I have the thought, “I should go for a run in the morning.” This brings me to step 2.
WORK THROUGH IT
In the last step I identified what my fear was: people will think mean things about me if I run. How am I supposed to work through that? I have used a few different methods in the past, but here are two of my favorites:
- Write and burn. If I were using this method, I would write something like “I feel embarrassed when I run because people might be thinking mean things about me….” and keep writing until all the yucky and negative feelings are on the paper. I then burn the paper without showing it to anyone. As I burn it, I imagine the fears on the paper burning with the paper.
- I ask myself, “What else could be true?” I LOVE this question because it offers so much possibility for how people probably are in reality. People aren’t actually vindictive or as mean as I sometimes think when I’m feeling afraid or am using a worst case scenario to play out in my mind to avoid something. People are generally good. When I see someone running I don’t think mean things about them. I think that they are pretty awesome for running and I feel inspired to run myself.
KEEP MOVING FORWARD
Just do it. Regardless of the multitude of times I’ve tried then given up, failed, or procrastinated…my life is not over! There is still time for me to do the things I want to do! The same goes for you. Try doing the “thing” you’ve been putting off, but know deep down would bring you so much joy and happiness. You can do it! Most fears are created by us. I highly recommend the books, “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker and “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway” by Susan Jeffers. Anyways, you can do it! I’ve got to go…I’m going to set out my running gear for the morning.
