Too often we focus on all the ways we need to change when it comes to money. It’s true that we should be responsible with our spending and try to improve in areas we’re struggling in, but we should also look for the ways we’re succeeding with money!
Cooking and baking…that’s my thing -my favorite hobby of all time. I could spend all my time learning about cooking techniques, watching The Great British Baking Show, copying recipes off of Pinterest, making menus, and then trying out new recipes. That being said, I am very good at remembering prices of food, so I know when most foods are on sale, what’s a good deal, and my mom (thanks, Mom!) taught me how to shop smartly for food when I was a girl (compare the price per ounce throughout sizes and brands). So when my husband, Curtis, and I decided to get serious with our finances and he asked me how much I needed every month for food, I felt confident that I could feed our family for $350 a month.
My story begins in January: I had $350 to spend on groceries for the month. But I overspent…I bought $428.64 worth of groceries. So, when we budgeted for February, we put $375 in the grocery budget and I promised myself and Curt that I’d do my best to stick to it. But I overspent…by $60.56. Then in March, even though we increased our grocery budget to $400, I went over the budget by $46.04. April, even though we budgeted $430 for groceries, I still overspent by $6.08. As my husband and I sat together on April 29 and I saw that I had overspent -yet again- I felt frustration and anger towards myself well up inside me, then the internal dialogue started, “Why can’t I ever stick to the budget?! Curt’s so much better at this than I am! I shouldn’t even be allowed to handle our money, I’m so irresponsible with it! I’m never going to stay within the budget…what’s the point of even trying?” As those thoughts went through my head, I looked over at Curtis and felt so disappointed in myself and felt sure that he was disappointed in me too, even though he was too nice to say anything…we’d been trying so hard to stay on top of our finances and I knew that my overspending on groceries habit was not helping our long term goals because the money we had to use to cover the extra food I was buying had to come from somewhere…like from birthday budgets, emergency funds, or the clothing budget. All I could see in my mind was $6.08…$6.08. That $6.08 said to me, loud and clear, “You’ve failed again Adrianne! You’re horrible with money and you always will be, no matter how hard you try!”
BUT THEN…
I had an appointment that evening with my mentor, Kamron, and, after I expressed my frustration with my overspending, he said two things that made a huge impact on me. The first thing he said was, “Is $6 worth the emotional beating you’re giving yourself?” This question helped me realize that I was being really hard on myself (overly hard) with the purpose of making up for overspending. I thought, subconsciously, that if I could put myself through enough guilt and pain, maybe that would make up for, or even pay for my mistake. As I pondered on this, thinking that there had to be another way for me to make it right, Kamron pointed out that I was budgeting regularly with my husband and that was really cool and evidence that I am good with money! Then he asked me, “What are some other ways you’re good with money?” I was slightly stumped by this because all day I had been focusing on that $6.08…I had overspent again. But, after I chose to put that thought aside and look for the good things, I realized that there were some other good things I do with money: I actually had a budget for groceries, I cared about what I was doing with my money and was working hard to make a change in my spending habits. I realized the progress I’d made…coming from a place of avoiding money, hoping it was there, but not really wanting to manage it, to the point where I’m conscious of where all my money goes, I talk to my husband regularly about money, I have a plan for my future, and I actually like money! These were all HUGE successes for me! After I answered Kamron’s question and listed off the ways I am good with money, he said, “Look! This list is evidence that you ARE good with money!”
Now, I want to say that I know that some of you reading this may be thinking, “She was mad at herself for spending $6 more? What does $6 matter, especially when she’d overspent so much more in previous months?” Well, the number itself isn’t what matters. What mattered to me was the behavior I was stuck in. I was stuck in overspending, but I realized that, in a more detrimental sense, I was stuck in the habit of beating myself up. Every month I had the same mean thoughts towards myself going on in my head. Every month I felt ashamed, disappointed, embarrassed, regretful, and several other negative things towards myself. These feelings have a purpose, but I was going way too far in using them to punish myself, hoping to make up for my $6.08 mistake instead of looking at the situation with more kindness to myself. What I should have been doing, what I have done since that day, and what I invite you to do, is ask, “What can I learn from my mistake to make my future better? How can my relationship with [my grocery budget] change going forward?” The way I see it, guilt and regret are beneficial emotions that can help us change if we decide to use them as motivation.
Today is May 30th and guess what? I have $15.52 left in my grocery budget for the month!
I talked about this experience on my YouTube channel, you can see the video here:
